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Quick Learners

Children are like sponges and quickly absorb what they see practiced around them.

Assalamu Alaykum,

Once young toddlers begin to imitate sounds, expressions, words and acts etc, we must be very careful with what we say and do and also take care of whose company we leave them in. From the age of about 18 months, my child began to repeat many words that she'd hear. Whether it was something that I or other family members said or something she had heard out on the street. We must try and develop a clean atmosphere at home for the sake of our children at least and put utmost effort in to this.

Numayr ibn Aws said, "They used to say, 'Correct action is a gift from Allah, but Adab (respect) comes from the parents."

From this young age we should encourage little children to speak only good words. Insha Allah we will be rewarded for every good deed that we teach our children and we'll be rewarded every time they make the effort to practise those good deeds.

Never laugh at a bad habit or expression that your child may have picked up. No matter how humorous or amusing it may be because that in itself is permission for your child to continue. Always stop them and explain nicely why it is wrong or replace the bad word with a good.

The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the parent. If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural for him to treat his parents respectfully.

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should also be taught good habits and etiquettes until they become second nature to him. Young children are very quick learners, it is not difficult to teach them good habits. In fact, there are times when I forget to read the eating and sleeping Du'aa to my 18 month old child and she would remind me. When they see the things that please us parents, our children enjoy doing those things. So remember to praise your child when they do something good.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The believers who have the most perfect faith are
those who have the best manners." [Abu Daawood]

Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young age and it's our responsibility as parents to teach them.

» posted by ubuntu on 28th October 2009 - 0 comments

Learning to Walk

Assalamu Alaykum

It's been a very long time since I last posted an entry on this blog. I realize how busy a toddler can keep it's mother and how much attention a toddler requires. The only time you can take your eyes and mind off a toddler is when they're asleep.

Walking

Walking is a huge step towards independence for children. From crawling to standing to walking with support to walking independently to running.
As a parent myself, I understand how concerned parents may become if their toddler has not began walking whilst other children of similar age have. It doesn't help when adults compare little children and put it down to the lack of effort from the parents as that may not always be the case.
quite
Most babies take their first steps sometime between 9 and 12 months and are walking well by the time they're 14 or 15 months old. Don't worry if your child takes a little longer, though many perfectly normal children don't walk until they are 16 - 17 months old.

If your child learnt to roll over and crawl late then chances are that they will also learn to walk late. You can try encouraging your child to walk by standing in front of them and holding out your hands or a toy and encouraging them to step towards it.

Baby walkers were and still are, to some extent, a rather common baby product in every household that have children. However, experts believe that many injuries and accidents are caused by a baby walker compared to any other form of baby product which is why they are not recommended to help babies walk. They say that walkers do not help your baby learn to walk and in fact, using one too much may even delay their development slightly. A baby needs to roll, crawl, sit and to play on the floor, in order to reach their developmental milestones.

This type of toy is also referred to as a baby walker:

My baby enjoyed to play with something similar to this and walk with and still plays with it even at the age of almost 2. Although we disabled all the musical buttons it did not stop her from liking and enjoying to play with the toy. There is an issue with all quality baby products that are available on the market as majority seem to have music playing in them. Whether it's a bouncer, rocker, walker, swing or toys. But it is up to us to bother in finding ways to stop the music in the toys from playing.
Because music is music. Whether it's a nursery rhyme or a song released by a pop group. The rule of it being Haraam is the same.

http://muftisays.com/qa/question/407/ruling-and-evidences-on-listening-to-music.html

» posted by ubuntu on 18th October 2009 - 0 comments

Baby - Toddler

Assalaamu Alaykum,

Miracle of Life
There are many things that we see in our daily lives that recall the power and might of our creator, Allah (SWT). From all the many things that make us feel that way I feel that the developement of a baby in the womb of the mother and the whole procedure of pregnancy and child birth is an absolutely amazing formation that clearly indicates the will and power of Allah the Almighty.

It takes the period of 9 months for the drop of the male and female to grow in to a full-term baby, in the warmth of the mother's womb. This only happens if and when Allah has appointed it to be. When the baby is ready, Allah wishes for it be born into this world through the process of child birth.

Baby 0-6 months
Along with the happiness that a new addition to the family brings, come along many concerns that might make a new mother feel a little anxious and distressed. This happens to many new mothers naturally because of what the body and mind has been through within the past couple of months. As a new mother you will get much helpful advice from experienced friends and family along with unwanted comments and remarks that make you upset and disheartened. At times like that, you have to remember that the child Allah has blessed you with, is yours. We, as the parents of the child are responsible for our own little ones. We will be questioned for our upbringing, teachings and responsibilities, not anybody else. Therefore, we should do what we feel is right.

Feeding

I've heard of a few cases where a new mother is discouraged to breastfeed her newborn baby by her very own family members. This again is nobody's choice but the mother's. Allah provides this milk for a newborn baby as soon as the child is born then why deprive the child of what is best and chosen for it? If anything, new mothers should be encouraged to breastfeed their newborn like the way the doctors and midwives do. Up until the newborn baby is 4-6 months old, breast milk is sufficient for its healthy growth.

Feed your baby on demand. Most newborns breast-feed eight to 12 times a day — about every two to three hours. Within two to three months, your baby may be satisfied with six to eight feedings a day. Eventually your baby will fall into a fairly predictable feeding schedule, taking in more milk in less time at each feeding. If you feed your baby formula, you'll need to feed a little less often because formula digests more slowly than breast milk does.

Trust your instincts — and your baby's. Parents often worry that their newborn isn't eating enough. But babies usually know just how much they need. Don't focus on how much, how often and how regularly your baby eats. Instead, look for contentment between feedings, alertness, good skin tone and steady weight gain — about 4 to 7 ounces a week for the first month.

Once your baby is about 4 months old and demands more feeds or seems hungrier than usual, then it might be time to introduce a little amount of solids. Midwives generally advise that it's best to keep the baby on just milk and fluids until they are 6 months old and ready for solids.

Baby 6-12 months
Life becomes more fun and exciting for those mums that like to try cooking different meals, once your baby is old enough to eat solids. Ready meals are also available in the supermarkets for babies of this age and are convenient for mothers that are busy and short on time. I prefer to cook my baby different meals myself for many reasons. Main reasons are that I know exactly what I am feeding my child and it is not as costly as ready meals.

Solid foods in the early stage are meant for practice. Solids are not meant to provide for baby's nutrition as breast milk and/or formula are.

There is no "set-in-stone" guideline or chart of exactly how many jars of baby food or how many 8 ounce bottles of formula each baby should be receiving. This is simply because each and every baby is different. Babies will eat as much food and drink as much milk and/or formula as they need.

Offering a well balanced diet of solid foods will help ensure that your baby is eating the right amount of the right nutritious foods. A healthy well-fed baby should be producing wet diapers regularly as well as producing a bowel movement or two during the day.

» posted by ubuntu on 30th April 2009 - 0 comments

The 40 Days

Where does the '40 Days' superstitions originate from?

The blood that passes from a woman's vagina after giving birth to a baby is called Nifaas (Postnatal bleeding).

The maximum period for this bleeding is 40 days.

What is the longest that nifaas (post-partum bleeding) can last?

Praise be to Allaah.

There is a difference of opinion among the scholars concerning that.

1 – Most of the scholars said that the longest that nifaas can last is 40 days; if the bleeding lasts longer than that then it is istihaadah (irregular vaginal bleeding) unless it coincides with her regular period. This is the view of Abu Haneefah and Ahmad, according to one report, and is the well known view of his madhhab. This was also the ruling given by al-Tirmidhi in his Jaami’, narrating from Sufyaan, Ibn Mubaarak, Ishaaq and most of the scholars.

2 – Maalik, al-Shaafa’i and Ahmad, according to one report, said that the longest it may last is 60 days.

3 – al-Hasan al-Basri said that it may last between forty to fifty days; if it lasts longer than that then it is istihaadah.

4 – There are other opinions but these are cases of ijtihaad for which there is no saheeh evidence apart from the first view. It was proven that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “The woman in nifaas should wait for approximately forty days.” (Narrated by Ibn al-Jaarood in al-Muntaqa).

Ahmad, Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah narrated via Massah al-Azdiyyah that Umm Salamah said: “At the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the woman in nifaas would wait for forty days…”

There is some dispute concerning this isnaad. Ibn Qattaan classed it as da’eef (weak) in Bayaan al-Wahm wa’l-Ayhaam, as did Ibn Hazm. Al-Haakim classed it as saheeh and al-Nawawi and others classed it as hasan.

Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Istidhkaar, with regard to the maximum period of nifaas there is no opinion to be followed except the opinion of those who say that it is forty days. This is the view the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and there was no dispute among them concerning this matter. All other opinions are those of people other than the Sahaabah, and in our view no other opinion can be counted because the consensus of the Sahaabah is evidence for those who came after them. Usually everyone feels comfortable with their opinion; how could anyone hold a different view with no evidence from the Sunnah? This view is the correct one, and that is for a number of reasons:

1- It is the view of the Sahaabah and no one has the right to go against them.

2- It is essential in this case to define a number of days during which a woman may remain in nifaas; it is not permissible to ignore the view of the Sahaabah and accept someone else’s view.

3- This is the view of doctors who are specialized in knowledge of this bleeding. Their view coincides with that of Ibn ‘Abbaas and of most of the scholars.

With regard to the minimum length of nifaas, most of the scholars have not set any limit for that. If the woman sees that she is pure (taahir) – which is when the bleeding stops – then she should do ghusl and start praying.

Imaam Abu ‘Eesa al-Tirmidhi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Jaami’ that the view of the scholars among the Sahaabah, Taabi’een and those who came after them was that the woman in nifaas should not pray for forty days unless she sees that she is pure before that, in which case she should do ghusl and start praying.

Shaykh Sulaymaan ibn Naasir al-‘Alwaan

» posted by ubuntu on 14th March 2009 - 0 comments

After Birth Care

Assalamu Alaykum,

After a woman has just been through the process of giving birth to a baby, she will be very weak, tired and she will feel very uncomfortable too. She will need all the help that she can get in looking after herself as well as her newborn baby. Postnatal care is just as important as prenatal care. It is these first few weeks where the new mother will be very sore and in need of lots of rest and it is the same few weeks where the newborn baby needs the mother and her attention the most so it can be very difficult for the new mother to get her rest especially if she has no help or other family living with her.

Many new mothers prefer to spend their first few weeks with their newborn baby, at their mothers home. This is so that they can rest and gain a quick recovery while they have their mothers taking good care of them and good care of the new baby too.
However, in recent times and certain communities it has become more of a tradition and a must for the new mother to spend the first 40 days after giving birth, at her mothers home. Also, in those 40 days one must not leave the house and must not take the baby out either and many other things people believe that one must not do in those 40 days.
Okay... not to take the newborn child out for the first few weeks in fear of the baby catching a cold etc.. understandable because it's for health and safety reasons but not to take the baby out because it has not yet been 40 days?? It really makes no sense whatsoever. This thing about going to stay at the mother's home is taken so seriously, that one does not even think about her own husband because it has been accepted as a must, like it's common sense.
People.... What is wrong with us? It is not compulsory or even preferable in Islam to leave your husband for 40 days and go spend time at your mum's house because you've just had a baby. I mean, there's nothing wrong with going to ones mother's house for her to help you and take care of you, what is wrong is displeasing one's husband if he is not happy with it and accepting that it is something that has to be done.

Here is a question I found on the website related to what has been mentioned above: http://qa.muftisays.com/?women

Sorry, that is a little off topic but I thought I'd mention it here as it had some relevance.

A mother needs to take good care of herself to rebuild her strength. You will need plenty of rest, good nutrition, and help during the first few weeks.

* rest:
Every new parent soon learns that babies have different time clocks than adults. A typical newborn awakens about every three hours and needs to be fed, changed, and comforted. Especially if this is their first baby, parents - especially the mother - can become overwhelmed by exhaustion. While a solid eight hours of sleep for you may not happen again for several months, the following suggestions may be helpful in finding ways to get more rest now.

*In the first few weeks, a mother needs to be relieved of all responsibilities other than feeding the baby and taking care of herself.

*Sleep when the baby sleeps. This may be only a few minutes rest several times a day, but these minutes can add up.

*Save steps and time. Have your baby's bed near yours for feedings at night.

*Many new parents enjoy visits from friends and family, but new mothers should not feel obligated to entertain. Feel free to excuse yourself for a nap or to feed your baby.

*After the first two to three weeks, introduce a bottle to breastfed babies for an occasional night-time feeding. This way, someone else can feed the baby, and you can have a longer period of uninterrupted sleep.

*nutrition:
A mother's body has undergone many changes during pregnancy, as well as with the birth of her baby. She needs to heal and recover from pregnancy and childbirth. In addition to rest, all mothers need to maintain a healthy diet to promote healing and recovery.

*The weight gained in pregnancy helps build stores for your recovery and for breastfeeding. After delivery, all mothers need continued nutrition so that they can be healthy and active and able to care for their baby.

*Whether they breastfeed or formula feed, all mothers need to eat a healthy and balanced diet. Most lactation experts recommend that breastfeeding mothers should eat when they are hungry. But many mothers may be so tired or busy that food gets forgotten.

help for new parents:
New as well as experienced parents soon realize that babies require a lot of work. Meeting the constant needs of a newborn involves time and energy and often takes parents away from other responsibilities in the home.

Although many parents do fine on their own, having someone else helping with the household responsibilities usually makes the adjustment to a new baby easier. Parents can concentrate on the needs of mother and baby, rather than the laundry or dirty dishes.

Helpers can be family, friends, or a paid home care provider. A family member such as the new baby's grandmother or aunt may be able to come for a few days or longer. Home care providers offer a variety of services, from nursing care of the new mother and baby to housekeeping and care of other children.

Whoever you decide to have as helpers, be sure to make clear all the things you expect them to do. Communication is important in preventing hurt feelings or misunderstandings when emotions are fragile these first few weeks. It is generally best for the new mother to be relieved of all responsibilities except the feeding and care of herself and her baby. This is especially important if she is breastfeeding. Others should assume the chores in the home such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping.

» posted by ubuntu on 14th March 2009 - 2 comments